Foreshadow?

On Sunday, I had dinner with a girlfriend who I'd met through the Internet (don't you just love blog people?), who also happens to be pregnant -- about a month ahead of me.

We were trying to reassure eachother that this time would turn out great (given both of our past less-than-stellar conception histories).

Wednesday, she went to her first midwife appoint, and sadly, there was nothing detected -- no sac, no baby, no heartbeat.  She was devastated, to say the least.

Her doctor gave her a few options: (a) she was earlier than she thought, and it was just too soon to see anything; (b) the pregnancy was ectopic and she'd need to have an ultrasound on Friday; or (c) it was another blighted ovum.  She had her betas drawn on Wednesday after her appointment, and then just had to wait.

Her midwife had told her that if her betas were over 20,000 (keep in mind, she is almost 8w pregnant to my 5w), it would not be promising that there was a baby.  Under 20,000, there was still hope.

Thursday, she found out her betas were well over 120,000.

Again, she felt hopeless and heartbroken.

Friday morning, she went in for the confirming u/s, and to schedule a D&C.

But instead, she saw a healthy gestational sac, a perfectly formed yolk sac, and a beating heart.  Whoo-hoo!

And not only that, there was another gestational sac, just slightly smaller than the one with the baby.  There is still a chance that a twin is developing!!!

And not only that, but there were two more sacs, smaller than the others, with no visible signs of growth....

But still!  Can you believe it?  She said she knew she was in trouble when the u/s tech put in the wand and said, "Now, T____, did you conceive naturally?".

I can't help but remember what T___ said to me when she found out I was pregnant again: "This is going to be so great.  We are going to do this TOGETHER!!!"

Ugh.  Is it the 5th yet?

Beta, beta, bo beta...

I couldn't think of a more creative (or less cheesy) title.  My mind is still reeling a little from a phone call I received earlier today from my obgyn's office.

Last week, at 4w1d, I had a series of blood draws done.  I was approximately 15dpo (days past ovulation), but I'm guessing, based on my conception history, that I was closer to 12 or 13dpo.  Anyways.  I'd not heard from their office in the following days, so I assumed that all was well.

And then I received the following voicemail:

"Chicklet's Mommy?  This is Nurse from Doctor's office, and I need to speak with you regarding the results of your blood work.  Can you give me a call back at your earliest convenience."
Lovely, right?

So, I call back and tell the receptionist that I absolutley will hold while she finds Nurse, and in the meantime, sweat through my teeshirt.  Nurse gets on the phone all chipper, like usual, and says that I need to get her the phone number of a pharmacy (here, in Out of Town Land) so she can phone in a scrip for me ASAP.  I told her, "I'll be home Monday -- what's the rush?"

And then we do this awkward little dance where I want her to tell me what's wrong and she says "nothing is wrong" and I say "then why do I need this rx ASAP" and she says "Doctor just wants to be extra careful" and I say "why, what's wrong" and she says "nothing" and I say, calmly of course, "What were my betas" and she says "they were great!" and I say, calmly and sweetly of course, "BUT WHAT WERE THEY!!!!!????"

And in my head I'm thinking "over 30 over 30 over 30" (because that was what Chicklet's Brother's first draw was, and what I knew would be in the normal range).

Y'all wanna guess what my 15dpo beta was?

2,521.

Yep.  If you want to know the real significance of those numbers, you can click here or here.

When I told the Chicklet's daddy what Nurse had said, he just laughed.  I have a feeling we may be doing a LOT of that in the coming weeks.

To be continued...

You're already so loved

Little one,

You may be a secret from your grandparents, but mommy is telling everybody else about you.

I had the opportunity to tell a handful of people today -- people that have loved on me through the good and bad of all my prior pregnancies.

The sheer joy on their faces when they learned that you will be joining our family made my heart soar.  Big hugs, happy tears, promises of prayers to be said over your life forever.

You are special already -- and you don't even know it.  But I do.  And so does everyone who hears about you.

I love you,

Mommy

Shhh!

Don't forget -- the Chicklet is a secret from his/her grandparents.  For those of you who are going to be seeing our family in the next several days, curb your enthusiasm in the presence of the grandmas and grandpas.  We can hug and do the happy dance in secret later!

Please pray for no nausea and safe travels as I head home with the little one(s) in tow.  We've had bad weather, and I'm not looking forward to the trip by myself.

See y'all on the flip side!

First of many

I have already lost track of the number of times I've been in my obstetrician's office in the last 7 months.  But today, I walked in with a renewed sense of belonging.

The last handful of times I was in her office, I felt like an imposter.  I wasn't pregnant.  Even though I was there for a post-partum visit, I didn't have a cooing infant in a carrier at my side.

But today, I went in and got on the scale with confidence.  I peed in a cup with confidence.  I sat still for my blood pressure reading with confidence.  I had my blood drawn with confidence.

And when they sent me on my merry way with a gift bag from Similac, as if this were my first, untainted pregnancy, I walked out with confidence.

I have my next appointment with my regular ob on October 13.  It feels like a world away, but I know I'll blink and it will be here.

Bring it on.  I'm ready.

No Fear

Do y'all remember that slogan?  Was it Nike?  I don't even remember the time frame -- maybe junior high? -- that "NO FEAR" was all the rage.  And considering that, for me, junior high was all about crushing on Robbie Beat and growing my hair out long enough to use coordinating ribbons with my cheerleading uniform, I can't say that I even understood the hype behind the slogan.

But now?  Staring down the reality of my fifth pregnancy in just over two years?  The phrase "no fear" has revitalized meaning for me.

I was so very terrified when I learned of my fourth pregnancy.  I wasn't ready; I wasn't excited; I wasn't much of anything, except scared, and wishing that I could turn back time.  The Lord has really sheltered my heart from feeling any guilt over the reality of those emotions.  I know that my fear didn't diminish my love for my son.

But with this new life growing inside of me, I can honestly say that I have no fear.  Only joy.  I am confident.  I am excited.  I already have the feeling that our family will be complete with the arrival of this baby.  Oh, I still think we are open to adoption down the road -- but as far as conceiving and birthing and what not -- I know that this is it for us, and I'm relishing each moment of this -- my fifth and final -- pregnancy.

A growing darkness

A faint line at only 10dpo -- 3w2d:


















Slightly darker at 11dpo:



















And where I finally believe it's real, at 14dpo:
















We're pregnant! And I'm done peeing on things for a while!

A new beginning

Hello, reader.

Welcome to The Chicklet's home.

If you have found your way here, most likely you are one of the few who know that I, the Chicklet's Mommy, am pregnant. Again.

You probably aslo know that we have decided to keep this pregnancy hush hush for a few months. But a girl still needs an outlet, right?

So, I figured that starting a new blog would be a great way for me to chat about all the things I can't talk about on my regular blog, and when the time comes for the news to go public, I can just incorporate these posts over there. Fun, huh? In theory. We'll see how well it actually goes.

A couple ground rules.

If you choose to "follow" this blog, please do so annonymously, so that both The Chicklet and my regular blog don't show up in your "Following" list. Not that anyone would take the time to try to put two and two together.....but you never know. Thanks!

Please only share this blog at your utmost discretion. I don't want to have to go privat on this, but I also don't intent this blog to become uber-popular either. It's just the inner workings of my uterus, people. Nothing too exciting (let's hope).

Alrighty, we are at 4 weeks and counting. Hope y'all are in this for the long haul. We've got 36 more weeks to go!